I met her in Starbucks. I know it sounds clique, but it’s true. She was there with her daughter and I was writing on my laptop until it was time for me to go to work at the Japanese Restaurant. She walked in confidently, which impressed me almost as much as her appearance—5’7, brown-skinned, with long black hair, and a body that was sexy and fit.
Anyone who knows anything about my story knows that I’m not into regret. In other words, I don’t have a problem with rejection, but regret is not my jam. Therefore, I walked over and introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Louis, and you are?” I won’t give her a name, to protect her identity. I asked about her daughter and she told me. I proceeded, “Would you like to have coffee with me sometime?” She replied, “I don’t know.” I said, “Okay! Can I give you my number just in case you decide?” “Sure,” she answered. I gave her my number as she put it on her phone.
I had only received my Coaching Certification a couple of months earlier, but I hadn’t figured out how I was going to utilize it. Of course, I didn’t think about that encounter after that day and I didn’t see her again. Then, in 2020, I received a message from her on Facebook. At first, I didn’t make the connection until she wrote, “I met you in Starbucks with my daughter.” She saw some of my posts about coaching on Facebook and remembered me. She said she might need some coaching. That was never her intention, which was the first indication that loving her was probably not in my future.
Why? Because I believe as a man first and a relationship coach second that making your intentions known upfront when embarking on any possible intimate situation is crucial. If you want to hang out, say that. If you’re not looking for anything serious, let that be known. If you want to have sex, make that clear right away. To not beat around the bush, her intention was the latter. Although she didn’t tell me that, I knew it 10 minutes after we talked face to face.
But wow! When I saw her the second time, I didn’t even remember her being that beautiful. She was physically my type. She was smart, funny, and sexy. I was totally taken with her. I could have loved her if she desired a meaningful relationship coupled with spirituality and ambition. Although she didn’t have those things, I found myself wanting to be around her. She was totally comfortable around me. We spent time at my place and her place just hanging out talking, eating, laughing, and joking. We would shoot pool together, and when I wanted to be close to her in public she would say, “I’m not comfortable with this public stuff.” But it was just words because she would melt in my arms the moment I held her.
I was fascinated by her charm and beauty but I knew it would never blossom into love or a long-term commitment. After all, her desire for me was shallow. I’m not bragging I’m just stating a fact, she only wanted me for my private parts. She tried to play it off but clearly, that was all she wanted from me. I was the only boy raised with four sisters, so I was able to read where she was coming from very quickly. This in itself is a testament to the importance of body language. I had a Coaching Consult Call with her before we met and I didn’t gather this information on the call. It was only after I sat with her that I ascertained what her objective was.
In any case, back to the smitten spill. She was one of the best cuddlers I had ever been with, and I’ve been with some pretty good cuddlers in my life. She took every opportunity to be close and she had just the right amount of bossiness that could keep me in check. There is no doubt I could have been with her long-term if she had the other wifey qualities I mentioned. It was definitely a learning experience. The main lesson is, that you can spend time with someone you really like and take it for what it’s worth. If it’s not long-term don’t pretend like it is.
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