Last week we completed the 10 Do’s for men and women in a relationship. Today, we begin with the Don’ts. These are the top 5 Don’ts for men and women.
The Top 5 Don’t For Men
- Go to bed angry with your partner. This rule applies to men and women; therefore, I’m going to place it in both sections. One reason for this is, especially if you have children, if you go to bed angry, you’ll wake up angry. This will affect the children in a bad way. We should try our level best to hide our issues from the children. In that vein, work whatever it is out before you go to sleep.
- Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment. This can only be accomplished with consistent and effective communication. If you two don’t express yourselves with one another on a regular basis, how will you know that she just wants you to listen? When you do learn it, practice it. It will improve your bond with her dramatically.
- Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t. This is a companion to the 2nd don’t. Don’t think she won’t know that you are pretending to listen. She will test you with questions like, “What did I just say, or do you agree with that?” If you’re not paying attention, you’ll have to say things like, “Agree with what, or what did you say?” Pay attention man!
- Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Again, this is another reason relationship communication is so crucial. If you shut her out, that will cause problems. However, if you say, “Baby! I just need a little time to sort some things out in my head. Can you give me a minute?” Even better is if you say, “Sweetie! Just give me a few minutes to sit with this and I’ll talk to you about it later.” But never just shut down on her. Remember, you two are a support and comfort for one another.
- Criticize your partner, especially her appearance. I heard my father do this with my mother, and she was upset with him for days. He made a remark claiming that my mom was too fat to get into a pair of jeans one of her friends gave her. Even if you’re thinking something like that, don’t say it. Just let her see for herself. Also, this is not a blanket don’t. Criticism is good for both of you. It helps you to improve and progress. However, this is where good intentions come into play. If you’re saying something to help her, it will be conveyed as such. However, if you’re critical just to be critical, that will come out as well. Be careful.
The Top 5 Don’t For Women
- Go to bed angry with your partner. You go to bed angry, you wake up angry, and most people don’t want to talk a lot in the morning. What this means is, whatever you two are angry about can drag on for another whole day, if not longer. Don’t let that happen. Resolve issues before you go to sleep.
- Insist he always shares his feelings with you. Sometimes, just give him a little space. Let him come to you with things when he’s ready.
- Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event. This can cause friction long after the movie or event. However, if you have something important to tell him, try to do it during a commercial or ask him to pause the movie. Use your discretion.
- Continue to “give” in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment. If you believe you’re the only one really trying to improve the relationship, sit him down and have a talk with him. Do not let that linger. It will only frustrate you more. That will compromise your well being. Remember, you two have to take care of yourselves so you can be more effective in caring for one another.
- Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does. Putting him down is a no brainer. But again, criticism is a means of lighting a fire up under him. As men, sometimes we just need that little push or nudge. But again, if the intentions are bad, he will feel that, and it will not go well.
These are the Top 5 Don’ts for men and women. Next week we will conclude the series. I hope you’re getting some benefit from it.
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