In light of the Relationship Survey being a big focus right now, I wanted to share some universal truths about relationships.
- There are always two people involved.
- The union is always better when both people are growing individually.
- Hearts are like leaves that blow in the wind. They are constantly moving.
When I began putting my coaching programs in place, I talked about relationships with my first coach Stephanie Wrona. She asked how long I thought the relationship package should be? I replied, “It has to be at least 12 weeks. Because there are two people involved; therefore, things can become complex.”
This is the case for all relationships. Different dynamics and issues can arise at any time because we (humans) are complex creatures. God gave us hearts that feel, gain knowledge, and He endowed us with an intellect. When our hearts become attached to another person, we automatically begin to expect things.
In most cases, unless there’s some codependency or issues from the past that haven’t been addressed, it’s normal for us to expect things from a person we develop deep feelings for. However, problems arise, in most cases, when we don’t know how to express those wants and desires. I’m mentioning this because, based on life experiences and the survey responses thus far, communication (or a lack of it) is a pervasive issue between couples. We are going to address this in detail once we’ve finished collecting all of the data we need, and we will put more things in place that will assist couples in communicating more effectively.
Secondly, many times two people were not expanding their horizons before they met, or they stopped doing it when they got together. Years ago, I read a fantastic article from a former guest on The Heart Matters, MaryBeth Gronek. She wrote an article called: Why Women Lose Interest-It’s Two Things. Where she points out that the man is no longer fascinated with the women, nor is he fascinating.
Now mind you, it might be due to lack of growth on both people’s part. The women might have stopped learning and evolving, which caused him to lose fascination, and he stopped growing, which caused her to no longer be fascinated by him. Whatever the case, just because two people are in a relationship or marriage for a long time, it doesn’t mean they should lose their curiosity for life or drive as individuals.
One of the things that causes this is when couples don’t have any one thing that exclusively belongs to them as individuals. What I mean by that is this, they do things they shouldn’t do together. For instance, why do couples go to the bathroom together? I never understood that! That’s my time. I don’t want her in there with me and I’m not going in there with her. (Unless it’s an absolute emergency, of course.)
I’m just using that as an example. The point is, there should still be things that are his and hers exclusively. You like to box; your partner belongs to an improv meet-up. Just having one area of individuality alone allows the relationship to still have some mystery. And properly placed mystery in a relationship is good.
Lastly, because the human heart is so volatile, clear communication is vital. As a mentor said, “Lack of communication brings about confusion.” We should never want our partner to be confused about our wants, desires, goals, aspirations, and anything that might cause a wedge between us. The communication should be clear and consistent, in both directions.
I was just thinking about these things because of the survey. If you haven’t taken it by now, please, we greatly appreciate your participation.
The Heart Matters Blog has a recommended relationship read: Healthy Relationships… By Rachel Chapman
Check out The Heart Matters Stores just in time for the holidays.