The subject of cheating is huge in my line of work (Relationship Coaching). Because of its importance and effects on intimate relationships, I have to address the matter of cheating in some detail. I already dealt with the internal factors that cause a person to cheat in my article There Are 2 Pillars To Cheating In An Intimate Relationship. At this juncture, I will deal with the 4 Principles Of Cheating. These principles can be seen and heard coming from the cheating person. The 4 principles of cheating are:
- Secret Meetings
- Sexual Relations
If someone suspects their significant other of cheating, either that person or someone else can catch the cheater in one or more of these acts. Why? They are obvious in one way or another. First on the list is flirting. If 100 people were asked if flirting is considered cheating, 75 would say yes. Among the reasons for this percentage of people affirming that it’s cheating is that flirting in itself is a form of intimacy. The act of flirting culminates in physical cheating.
There is a verse in The Recital that states: Do not go near fornication or adultery. The verse does not say ‘don’t commit fornication or adultery.’ In other words, don’t go near anything that leads to such behavior. It’s typically flirting that causes such behavior. The act of flirting can be seen and heard. We’ve all experienced those flirty moments. In some cases, it’s not about what is being said, but it’s about the way it’s being said. Then, you have the type of flirting that is very overt. The point is that flirting with some people is cheating, but at the very least, it’s the cause for cheating to take place. The second is lying. This is one of the reasons cheating is called cheating. A person has to lie in order to pull it off. A person who is cheating wouldn’t say to his partner, “Hey honey! I’m going to meet Gwen at the hotel tonight.” So, in order to meet Gwen at the hotel, he has to lie and say he’s meeting someone else or he’s going to be somewhere else.
For clarity, this is the main reason people get caught cheating. They start getting caught in lies. Lying is like that. The more a person does it, they have to use another lie to cover up a previous lie. Many people will hire someone to follow their partner, and he or she will meet at a restaurant or coffee shop with the other man or woman and the investigator says, “They met at a coffee shop.” Then, the one who’s being cheated on will say something like, “He said he was going to the gym.”
So you see, it’s not just the cheating that cuts deeply into the other person’s heart. The flirting and lying had to take place in order for the cheating to be possible, which makes the act of cheating even worse. The third principle is secret meetings. Like the ones I mentioned above (i.e. the hotel and coffee shop). They have to meet at places where no one knows their significant others. When you look at this principle, in many cases lying and secret meetings are combined. They tell their partner they’re going to be here when they’re really going there. However, with all that said, they can still be seen with one another together.
The final one is sexual relations. In many cases, not all, as I pointed out in the previous article cheating is about having sex with someone else. Regardless of whether it’s an issue of intimacy or a different kind of sex. It’s still sex. People who are getting divorced and want some form of compensation, want photos or videos, to prove to the judge that their former partner was having sex with another person. I’m sure you can tell that I am not a fan or advocate of cheating. I think it’s important for me, as the “Relationship Les Brown” to point out the hidden and obvious ills of being unfaithful. Hopefully, more people will resist the urge to do it by having conversations about what they want and desire from the person they’re with.
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