Even going through the motions is a way of establishing a new relationship with our inner life that is caring and tender, versus one that is judging, distancing, or ignoring. This is the beginning of being capable of intimacy with others.-Tara Brach
Mona and I had three arguments in 3 years. That was a miraculous feat in itself. The first one was intense. I don’t remember what it was about, but we were standing in the middle of the floor yelling at each other. Maria got tired of hearing it, grabbed us by the back of our necks, and pushed us together. We just stood there hugging and crying. The second one was her testing me.
She asked me why I was spending so much time with my friends. I said to her, “Listen, I have to spend time with the fellas.” She lightly protested a little more, I repeated what I said, and she let it go. The third argument ended our relationship. It was my fault. I’ll say this, youth and cowardliness are a bad combination.
Before the break up though, we loved hard. The first time we had sex was funny and enjoyable. Both of us had no idea what we were doing, but that wasn’t the funny part.
The funny part was, that Dee was listening to the whole thing on the bottom bunk. Mona climbed on the top bunk with me and whispered, “Let’s do it!” I replied, “Do what?” Duh, how dumb was that? “You know.” She answered.
She was on top of me looking into my eyes and my penis got hard. That’s when I knew exactly what she was talking about. The erection made it abundantly clear. I rolled her over and got on top. We were whispering so Dee wouldn’t hear us. “Is it in?”I asked softly. “No. That’s not it.” She replied. It was so pitiful.
Then, we started arguing as to whether my penis was in or not, while we were debating, I found the inside of her. I knew because I had never felt anything like that before. It was wet and warm, and I knew at that moment I would want to experience it again and again.
Mona confirmed what I knew in a soft sexy tone, “That’s it right there.” Her mouth was next to my ear, she started moving her body beneath me. I followed her. It was brief but beautiful. I had no clue about the art of lovemaking. I thought good sex was penetrating, pumping, and releasing. Mona didn’t complain. I improved more every time we did it and we started doing it quite often.
When we finished, Mona went back to Maria and Rosa’s room as if nothing happened. We found out the next morning that Dee was awake the whole time. She went to Mona and started making fun of us. Of course, when I saw Mona in the morning we were all smiles. We were seriously in love.
One of the events that made our bond stronger was when I got hit in the head with an aluminum bat. No one was trying to hurt me, it was an accident. It was on my fourteenth birthday, and I wasn’t supposed to be outside. My Mom had put me on punishment for some act of disobedience that I can’t remember.
Mom and Dad were at work, so I decided to get high and hang out with my best friend Kevin Jackson. He was the leader of our crew and the best young fighter in the projects. He was the Duke, as in John Wayne, of the neighborhood.
Kevin was the batter, I was standing on the side laughing in a state of intoxication. All of a sudden, everything went black for a few seconds. I didn’t feel anything. The grip had broken on the bat, and the bat flew and hit me in the head. I was still laughing when a guy named Ed said, “Why are you laughing? Your head is busted!”
The hand I put on my head was covered in blood when I brought it down. I ran upstairs screaming. Rosa and her boyfriend Jay ran out of the bedroom pulling up their clothes. It’s amazing how the brain processes information during times of crisis.
Anyway, Jay picked me up and carried me downstairs to his car. I was in the back seat rolling around like a fish. Jay was speeding so we got to the hospital quickly. Once we arrived, I was rushed to the emergency room.
The doctor gave me fourteen stitches. Before my mother got there, the doctor and I had a private conversation. “Were smoking marijuana before you were hit in the head?” The doctor asked. “Yeah,” I replied. I wasn’t even thinking about him telling my mother until after I said it.
After confirming what he already knew he said, “You can’t smoke marijuana for at least three weeks after you get out of the hospital because of the head injury.” While he was telling me I couldn’t get high I was thinking, there’s no way I’m going to stop smoking weed.
As the doctor was finishing up his talk with me, my mother, Rosa, Dee, and Mona came into the room. The doctor spoke to my mother privately while I looked on. I began to worry about him telling her I was smoking weed. To my surprise, the doctor didn’t tell her anything.
Rosa and Dee came over to the bed and looked at the bandage on my head. Mona didn’t come to the bed nor did she say anything. She went to the window and just stood there crying.
My mother came and sat in the chair next to the bed. She had to leave work to make sure I was alright. She didn’t yell at me. She said in a very calm voice, “You see what happens when you go out and I told you not to?”
It was a rhetorical question, she wasn’t looking for an answer. She continued, “The doctor said you’re gonna have to stay here for a couple of days.” This was not the news I wanted to hear. At the end of each summer, a D.J. group called Mark IV would come to all the projects, and that weekend was our turn.
I looked over at Mona and she still hadn’t come over or said a word. I started to worry about her. She was crying so much. Of course, my mother knew Mona and I was boyfriend and girlfriend. Finally, my mother said to Rosa and Dee, “Let’s get something to eat.”
The three of them left the room and it was just me and Mona. I said softly, “Mona.” She turned and looked at me with tears running down her face. She was crying so hard it concerned me. I tapped the bed hoping she would come and sit down. “Come here,” I said, “I’m fine.”
She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. I grabbed her hand, put it on the bandage, and said, “I’m fine, see?” I could see her starting to calm down, “Yeah, yeah.” She whispered as she touched the bandage on my forehead. “I was so worried.” She said. My girl started talking while I helped wipe the tears from her face.
We talked about her coming to see me the next day, and I said to her, “You’re gonna have to tell me everything that happens this weekend. Who danced with who, what songs they played, and everything.” She just shook her head in agreement and said, “Alright. I’ll let you know.”
After she said that, mom and my sisters came back into the room. Mona didn’t move from her place, and that was her place. When visiting hours were over, my mom and sisters gave me a kiss on the cheek, I gave Mona a peek on the lips, and everyone left.
The next day Mona came to see me before anyone else did. She brought us some weed, at my request, and we smoked it in the hospital bathroom. We snuggled, kissed, and just enjoyed our alone time like we always did. The hospital stay was three days, but it seemed longer… TO BE CONTINUED
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