It’s such a pleasurable process establishing and growing in a relationship. Mind you, I’m not saying there won’t be challenges. However, that’s part of its beauty. If those challenges are dealt with properly. One of the things about a healthy relationship is two people want to work things out.
Most issues can be fixed by having honest conversations. At the same time, the different temperaments and beliefs of each person must be given consideration. Another issue that must be thrown out of the window is the fear of it turning into a disagreement. What must be understood is, staying in a relationship in which you’re unhappy is not worth avoiding disagreements.
At the same time, certain steps can be taken to avoid the disagreements turning into full-blown arguments. So in many cases, the question is not how you two are going to talk, but what you are going to talk about. There are 3 areas that must be explored in order to improve your groove in the relationship.
1 Future Goals
2 Past Problems
3 Affection & Attention
Now someone might be asking, “What about money or sex?” Those two things have been covered. Future goals (Money). Do we need more, how do we get more, do we need to spend less, what can we do without? All of these money issues fall under the future goals category. Whereas, affection & attention (Sex). Do we need to explore more, how can we have more of it, why are we having so much sex, etc.? The point I’m making here is, whatever needs to be talked about in the relationship will fall into one of these 3 categories.
The future goals will deal with personal as well as professional matters that need to be added to the union. Whatever those things are, sit down and have a candid conversation about them. It is vital that you two come to some sort of conclusion as to how you’re going to reach the desired goals as a couple.
Past problems can be from major or minor issues. Let me give a disclaimer. I am not talking about physical abuse or anything of that sort. As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts and podcasts, every person should have what I call ‘Relationship Requirements.’ I believe one of those requirements is that neither person should ever put their hands on the other.
However, one of the major issues, to give an example, is infidelity. Some couples desire to continue their marriage or relationship even after one or both people have been unfaithful. This is indeed a major issue in the relationship. This might not be something you two can discuss with each other without professional help. In any case, if you want to stay together and get the groove back in your union, it has to be discussed.
Infidelity is just one of many major relationship issues. But, the point is, past problems in the relationship must be talked about so they can be resolved. Working issues out means you don’t bring the past into the new phase of your relationship.
Affection and attention sound like the same thing, but they’re not. Sometimes your significant other just wants to be heard. Of course, there are levels to this. I’m not talking about letting him or her nag and complain all the time. I’m talking about letting your partner get important issues that he or she is having trouble with off his or her chest. This is an essential part of paying attention, and absolutely necessary to maintain peace and harmony in the union.
Affection includes a wide range of things. Intimacy is part of it, and intimacy is not just about sex or physical touch. It’s also about stimulating the mind and spirit. We are human beings. We have 3 elements that are essential to our existence, and all 3 of them need to be exercised on a regular basis. Mind, body, and spirit. A healthy relationship filled with affection consists of our partner providing all 3.
In conclusion, know that lack of communication brings about confusion. However, at the same time, not discussing the right things can cause major problems as well. If you want to get your groove back in your relationship, discuss one or all three of the matters listed above.
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