I remember about a year and a half ago I had a huge argument with one of my sisters. In a nutshell, she was telling me that I need to take responsibility for my own actions and stop thinking that other people owe me something.
I argued with her for over an hour, claiming that I wasn’t doing any of the things she mentioned. It took me over six months to admit to myself that I was on the wrong side of that argument. I called her, apologized, and told her she was right.
Sometimes the truth is difficult for us to accept. You’re looking at him asking yourself, where is the man I fell in love with? All he talks about is our 401K, money, and politics. He hasn’t touched me passionately in months.
You look at her and say to yourself, why doesn’t she talk to me anymore? We haven’t made love in a long time. (Sex, yes, but we haven’t made love.) Both of you wanted to talk to each other when you first saw the issues but couldn’t bring yourselves to do it. As the months have passed, things have gotten increasingly worse.
You’re not sleeping because you’re worried about her and your job. She’s not taking care of herself because she’s worried about the future of the relationship and her job, too. The truth is, you need help. But you still haven’t accepted that fact. She’s searched the internet and YouTube looking for a quick fix but didn’t find anything she felt comfortable with.
You talked to your friends and they advised you to talk to her, but you’re too ashamed because this silence has gone on too long and saying something now will only make things worse.
Both of you have to ask yourselves one simple question, “Is our future together or apart?” If the answer is yes, you want a future together, then you must decide on a course of action to repair what is broken in the relationship. You must be willing to make the sacrifices that are necessary for you to stay together. Admit the truth to yourselves and to one another that you need help and then, go get it.
At times, part of not accepting the truth is refusing to admit that we need help; therefore, we never seek it. However, what is the alternative? Will you keep beating yourself up because you miss that funny vibrant woman you fell in love with, but you don’t know how to get her back? Will you continue to be miserable because you know you want a future with him, but you don’t know how to get past what’s wrong with the relationship right now?
Either you will continue to ask yourself these questions and the union will continue to deteriorate. Or, you will do what you need to do to build back the connection and intimacy that you had in the past.
It’s up to you. Sometimes, facing the truth is hard, but it’s not impossible. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.