It’s a common belief amongst people who don’t believe in a religion that sexual relations in religion are very restricted and uptight. Let me be blunt and say, “Nothing is further from the truth.” Now mind you, with some religions that is the case due to restrictions that men have attributed to the faith. However, when we investigate the revealed religious text, we will find only four things God has told a husband and wife not to do sexually. I have listed them below.
He has only told the husband and wife not to participate in these acts for two reasons. Either it’s harmful, filthy, or both. Before we discuss the four things, let it be understood that God is not oppressive. If other than the four things listed are deemed forbidden by certain religious groups, it is due to men claiming they are not allowed. It is as God says in The Recital, God does not oppress mankind, but mankind only oppresses themselves. In other words, He doesn’t want bad for us. He wants us to experience and enjoy the good things of this life. It is part of His Mercy upon us. As a verse in The Recital states: God only wants ease for you (mankind). He does not want to make things difficult for you.
Part of the ease He wants for us is sexual pleasure. As a matter of fact, some of the companions of the Prophet asked about charity and he responded by letting them know that having sexual relations with their spouse is charity. They asked, “We will be rewarded for fulfilling our sexual desire with our spouses?” He replied, “You are punished if you fulfill your sexual desire illegally aren’t you?” With all of this in mind, below are the four things religion forbids regarding sexual expression between a man and woman.
- Fornication (sex without marriage).
- Adultery (sex with someone else’s partner).
- Having sex in the anus.
- Having sex while the woman is on her menses or Post-Partum hemorrhaging
Let us look at these four in light of sexual acts not being allowed due to harm or filth. Fornication and adultery could result in both if one or both parties are infected with an STD. However, at the very least it’s harmful. Why? Because of the damage, it does to the family structure. We are seeing numerous negative results of broken families in our society. The result of one-parent households is due to couples not establishing a family life. Or, the husband and wife divorce or separate due to adultery, in some cases. The statistics of children being raised in one-parent homes or who have gone through a divorce having psychological issues as they get older are staggering. That’s just one aspect of the harm the first two cause.
The last two definitely qualify as filthy. How come? Because the anus is a place where filth gathers and a child cannot be conceived if the man ejaculates into the woman from the anus. So, it is not only filthy but it’s also useless. When a woman is on her menses, sexual relations are filthy because her body is cleaning itself out. In addition, it has been medically proven that having sexual relations with her during this time is painful for her. We could discuss these four subjects in much more detail. But let’s address a few questions some people may have.
How about different sexual positions, kinky sex, and oral sex? I’ll start with oral sex. There is no authentic religious text that states oral sex is filthy or harmful. Of course, this is conditional according to the cleanliness or lack thereof regarding the husband, wife, or both. If the filth comes from either the husband, wife, or both, then the act of oral sex becomes filthy because they themselves have not purified their private parts properly. Similar rules apply to sexual positions or kinky sex. Does kinky sex involve urine or a fetus? If so, it would fall under the filth category. Do any of the sexual positions cause undue pain to either the husband or wife? This would make the said position forbidden.
Apart from these things, sexual satisfaction is not restricted by religion. According to a prophetic narration, the Prophet told the men, “Do not approach your wives as a camel approaches a she-camel. But fondle and play with her first.” Even though the language is not crude or vulgar, the point is still made that men should participate in foreplay with their wives. This makes the sexual experience more satisfying for her. As far as the restrictions that we observe from nuns and priests regarding monasticism, this was imposed by Benedict of Nursia. This practice isn’t documented in religious texts.
We could discuss the negative effects of this behavior, which goes against the very nature of human existence, but that’s a discussion for another day. However, we have all read, seen, and heard about the problems this behavior has caused throughout history. Therefore! In my capacity as the ‘Relationship Les Brown,’ I advise you, men and women! Enjoy your sexual relationship with your spouses.
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