Relationship Longevity Starts In The Beginning And Middle.

When taking a close look at the progression of a relationship, if the beginning and middle are good the likelihood of it ending is greatly reduced. In most cases, these two places are where the end of the relationship begins. Let’s clarify some of the mistakes that are made.


1 In the beginning, if one or both people are dealing with childhood or relationship issues from the past that hasn’t been resolved, they will come out in the middle. In this case, the relationship will end or there will be severe problems that will cause one or both people to be miserable.


2 When one or both people come into a relationship without having a well-rounded life. I’m not talking about video games, club-hopping, and couch potato lives. I’m talking about lives that are filled with goals, passions, drive, family, friends, and stimulating endeavors. When two people have this kind of life individually they will motivate each other as a couple to never become complacent. They will continually be learning and growing together because that is what their lives consisted of before they met each other. 


3 They go through the natural dating progression. The first couple of times they go out, they have fun, learn some minor important details about each other. (i.e. where are you from, what do you do for a living, do you have siblings, things of that sort). Then, the more they go out, they graduate to more important matters. They talk about future goals, children, marriage, traveling, they meet each other’s family, sexual chemistry, etc. They have a few arguments, learn about things that upset each other, and how to avoid those things. You get the idea.


This natural progression is important because it allows each person the space to process whether they want a long-term relationship with the other person, and it makes learning more about each other fun. Finally, there is the issue of non-negotiables or relationship requirements, if you will. No verbal or physical abuse, no cheating, and things of this sort. These issues must be established after the honeymoon phase of the relationship. Meaning, in the middle of the courting process. Unfortunately, many people feel uncomfortable talking about these issues.


That is a problem because these requirements need to be expressed early so they don’t become a problem later. However, if they do become an issue the other person was made aware that these are relationship-ending matters. That way, when the other person exits the relationship it is not without knowledge. Another thing about non-negotiables, never compromise on these matters. Sometimes when people fall in love they will bend on relationship requirements because they love the person. This is never good. Because the pain that will be experienced if you stay will be greater than the pain you’ll feel if you leave.


In an intimate union, if a person believes they can continually violate serious issues without consequence, it may become repetitive, which will cause pain repetitively. But, if you walk away, it will burn for a while, but then it will stop. This is the natural relationship progression that will reduce the possibility of the union ending. Implementation of these in the beginning and middle could lead to true relationship longevity.



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Louis Morris

Louis Morris

Louis Morris is a Certified Relationship Coach who helps couples deal with marital and relationship discord involving issues of communication, intimacy, and helping them enhance their spiritual and emotional connection. He also assists singles who are divorced, been through a break-up, or lost a partner to get their groove back.


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