The first love I ever had is still fresh in my mind. It was pure and sweet. As a result of youth, lack of knowledge, and newness of the emotion, it did not take much effort. It was fresh, simple, and spontaneous. I let that feeling get away from me. Now mind you, the playfulness of love has never disappeared but due to life’s experiences, and I must admit, a bit of cynicism, sometimes it merely feels like a fact-finding mission.
It’s my fault because instead of being present and sharing freely, I repressed the young man who viewed love with optimism and joy. I’ve come to the realization now, in my 50s, that the elements that cause someone to love another person have not changed since the beginning of time. Love is embodied in attraction, chemistry, intimacy, and trust. It leads to selflessness and sacrifice.
It’s fragile while at the same time having the strength to move mountains. It can fade quickly if violated, but can also endure forever when given the proper light and care. I know I can’t go back and recapture my youth, but I can view love again the way that young man did. That young man who laid with his first love in the bed fully dressed, looking into her eyes without either of us saying a word.
It was fresh, powerful, and free because his heart was opened and present. I know I can tap back into the heart of that young man because he’s still here. I just have to be brave enough to do it. Brave enough to remove the boundaries and blockades I’ve put up over the years. It won’t be a difficult task. I just have to begin with the 3 Rs I teach my clients: Reflect, Refresh, and Rebuild. It’s an inside job because I understand now, without a doubt. It’s the heart that truly matters.
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