We acquire our values from different sources. In the beginning our values are given to us by our parents. “Speak the truth,” “Be kind,” “Help others,” and advice along these lines are values we’re taught in the home. After sometime, we get more values in our education. We read about the values of great people and try to emulate them.
Our religion gives us many values. How to live, what is right, what is wrong, what is allowed, and what is not allowed, are some of the values we learn from a religious perspective. In your relationship, do you know and respect the values of your partner? Have you spelled out your values?
Values are dear to us. Some people give their lives to safeguard their values. In light of this, we should find out the values of our partner in the beginning of the relationship. Also, we should let our values be known. Be honest with your partner about the things you won’t compromise on, and let your partner do the same.
Compare the values and discuss the differences. Decide at that point about the relationship. Both of you should be aware that certain differences in values will be a sore point in the relationship going forward. Unfortunately, many of us don’t take these steps. Therefore, when turbulence appears later on, due to value issues, the relationship becomes unbearable. These things should be thoroughly discussed in the beginning.
Now mind you, all values are not equal. Some values can be changed based on new knowledge. This is one of the reasons the couple should not only be able to communicate often and effectively, but there should always be a level of understanding that exists between the two. Meaning, you two should have enough self-awareness to realize that some issues require flexibility.
In order for a couple to remain committed and together long term, there must be shared values. Relationship with God, future plans, wanting a family, professional and personal ambition, wanting to travel or not, etc. These are some of the values that a couple should have in common in order for the relationship to have legs. In essence, the couple should value the values of one another in order to move forward into the future.
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