Following me on social media, reading my writing about relationships, or listening to my podcast will let you know I do not see intimate relationships as complex. However, some couples make their unions complicated by refusing to eliminate the things that complicate what should be an easy relationship. Communication is where this issue most often arises in relationships. When couples have difficult problems, they either don’t discuss them, they start talking and then shut down due to anger and frustration, or the communication is unclear and too infrequent to resolve the issues they are having. To remedy this, I would first and foremost advise people to learn to become comfortable with talking about uncomfortable topics.
As a species, we tend not to like confrontation, which is why I used the word learn. In fact, it’s a logical part of our nature. Alternatively, if you want to resolve issues with the person in an intimate relationship with you, you have to learn how to have those conversations easily. These are some techniques and methods you can use to not make those conversations pleasant, but they can make them easier.
Here are two tips you can use to simplify your communication.
- Please refrain from vulgar language.
- Don’t deal with more than one issue at a time.
By vulgar language, I mean all of it. Cursing at each other, calling each other names, trying to belittle each other. Let all of that go while you try to resolve disagreements with your significant other. Doing so is like adding more fuel to a raging fire. There is already an issue that is irritating you both, and you’re going to add cursing, name-calling, and belittling each other to it? That is not a recipe for resolution. To sum it up, never use vulgar language in a negotiation. The purpose of addressing one issue at a time is to reach a resolution. That should be the goal in dealing with difficult relationship issues. To reach a resolution both of you can be comfortable with. The best way to accomplish that goal is to talk about one issue until it is resolved and then move on to the next.
And please, for God’s sake, don’t bring up issues from the past when talking about the present problem. If the old issue must be addressed (it should have been talked about already) do it later. These are my two tips for removing complexity in your communication. The more you simplify things in your relationship, the better it will be. If you need more assistance, feel free to get in touch. I’m here to help.
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