Don’t Underestimate The Importance Of Attraction

A question was asked on a live stream last week, “If your spouse gained one hundred and fifty pounds would that end the marriage?” My immediate answer was, “It could.” Please understand. I am not a shallow person. However, I’ve spoken about these matters in two places: 10 Relationship Tips Vol. 6 Chemistry and Keep Your Agreements In The Relationship.

If this was the person you were attracted to in the beginning, the chemistry was strong and both of you discussed the importance of good health, and if you two are into that, it should be discussed. Then, if one person becomes overweight, not due to a medical reason, but just negligence, what is the other person supposed to do? Gaining weight is not like a person getting sick. The former could have been avoided with diet and exercise, but the person chose not to do so for some reason. Now! I’m not saying that one should automatically bail on the person who gained the weight. What I am saying is, that there should be a consistent and authentic effort to get rid of it, and the partner should be supportive by helping in any way he or she can. I can not over-emphasize the importance of chemistry and sex appeal in a marriage or long-term relationship. Again, if both of you were attracted to each other when you first met, then both of you should make it a priority to stay in the shape you are or improve it. Unfortunately, this is some of the complacency that creeps into some marriages and long-term relationships.

Either one or both people get in their head, “Oh! I have him locked down. He’s not going anywhere.” Then, they start eating and not exercising, and 150 pounds later, there’s a person you’re not attracted to in the house. Then, the person who gained the weight is upset because they are no longer looked at, talked to, and touched with passion. I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions. A woman gets pregnant and after she has the baby, she starts working out again and she keeps a little weight. 150 pounds? I’m not aware of a case like that. The point that I’m making here is, that severe negative changes in appearance, without a medical reason, can cause severe problems in the union. Stick to what you talked about during the courting period so that the chemistry and attraction remain between you two.

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Louis Morris

Louis Morris

Louis Morris is a Certified Relationship Coach who helps couples deal with marital and relationship discord involving issues of communication, intimacy, and helping them enhance their spiritual and emotional connection. He also assists singles who are divorced, been through a break-up, or lost a partner to get their groove back.

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