I understand that some people worry about asking too many questions during the courting process. Other people worry about offending their potential spouse with certain questions. The key to my last statement is “potential spouse.” This should be the end goal. To find someone who is suitable to spend the rest of your life with. If this is the case, and it should be. Here are 5 things that you should be discussed before marriage is considered.
1 Children. Do you have kids? Do you both want kids? How many? Are you willing to adopt if necessary? Do you prefer to adopt? Who is going to take care of the kids? Will one of you stay home and not work? What if the one who wants to stay home has a significantly higher salary than the other? Will you get a nanny? Use daycare? Public or Private school? Will you homeschool your children? Will you be strict in how you raise your children? What are your feelings about discipline? Now, mind you. You don’t have to ask all of these questions in one sitting. However, you have to be intentional and pose them at the appropriate juncture.
2 Finances. How much will you save? Is one of you a big spender? Are you both on the same general page when it comes to handling money? Do you or your partner have a lot of debt? Will that person handle that debt themselves, or do they want, need, or expect help with it? Will the man deal with all of the financial expenditure or will he expect the woman to chip in? Money can become a major sore point in marriage; therefore, it is only prudent to deal with the matter of money before the nuptials.
3 Long-term goals and plans. Do you want to live in the country, have five kids, and be a homesteader? Does your future spouse want to live in the city and go out to a fancy dinner every night?? Do you want the same things and the same lifestyle? What are your goals as individuals and as a couple? What will be the vision for you and the children if you have any?
4 Religion. Do your religious beliefs mesh? Can you find a middle ground that works for both of you? Will you alternate places of worship each week? Will you find a place to worship that works for both of you? Does one of you hate religious services? How will you handle that? There is an old saying, “People should avoid debates about religion and politics.” These are very emotional hot-bed issues for people in general. How much more so for a married couple. Sort this issue out before you tie the knot.
5 Responsibilities. Will one of you take care of the house while the other does the outdoor chores? Will you split all the work right down the middle? Is one of you going to have a job while the other stays home? These are just 5 issues that should be talked about and made clear before two people decide to dedicate their lives to loving and caring for one another. Be intentional. Be deliberate. Don’t be worried about offending. Worry about choosing the right person who will enhance your existence and vice versa.