1 Space. Do you want to play cards with your friends twice a week? Do you and your best friend go to the movies every Saturday afternoon? How much space does each of you want and need? I wrote about the importance of this matter in my new relationship book: The Patterns Of The Power Couple. Having that delicate balance of spending time and giving one another space.
This should be discussed before marriage for many reasons, but I’ll mention 2 here. To make sure the other person has interests and passion projects of their own. And, to avoid the danger of clinginess. A person not having their own life separate from yours and being clinging are two very unattractive traits that will only get worse after marriage.
2 Secrets. It’s better to get all the secrets out prior to getting married. Here are a few possibilities. Bankruptcies, huge debts, and legal actions related to financial issues. 2 Criminal legal troubles. Stalking, murder, drunk driving, child abuse, and any other legal issue that would give you or your partner concern. This was an issue I had to be very upfront with Kelly about. I had to let her know I was incarcerated, and for what crime. I was only 19, but it was important that I was transparent about this matter. These issues must be dealt with in order to give each person the option to walk away or stay. I’ve heard some horror stories in recent years about this.
A couple of women found out after being with a man for a while that he was a convicted rapist or pedophile. With God’s permission, the family found out before he did anything to her children. These matters must not only be discussed but each person must not feel shy about investigating a potential partner’s past. Especially if you start to develop feelings for this person you’re spending time with. Do not let those feelings interfere with you doing what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your loved ones. Negative habits. Drug addiction, gambling, excessive use of porn, excessive spending, and so on. Past pregnancies, and anything else you think your partner might want or need to know about.
3 Sexual Compatibility. Are your libidos on the same level? If not, how will you compromise? Is one of you more interested in activities that are plainer and the other likes to explore different sexual techniques? However, keep in mind that sex is a practical act. You can discuss things about it until you’re blue in the face, but you won’t really know true compatibility until you participate in it together.
4 Ask a lot of questions. You learn a lot by asking questions. Ask your partner every question you can think of. Here are a few interesting examples. What would you do if you found a bag of money in the woods? Would you commit a crime if you knew you wouldn’t get caught? Would you ever have sex with two or more people at the same time? Would you rather be a lion or an eagle? Why? What historical person do you most admire? Why? Even questions like this can help you understand the different layers of your partner. Know that no question is too insignificant. Don’t be shy about getting the information you need about your potential husband or wife.