Everyone has had the experience of meeting someone new and having those warm and fuzzy feelings. Those are things that cause us to want to explore more. However, building a powerful and loving union takes more than being warm and fuzzy. There are 4 things that both people must have in order to establish something beautiful in the relationship realm. Some people try to make intimate relationships and marriage seem complicated. They’re not. As I always say, we must put the right ingredients into the relationship pot in order for it to work properly. Here are 4 such ingredients:
This applies first and foremost to ourselves. What are we looking for in a partner? What are our non-negotiables? What are we willing to discuss in order to compromise or be patient with? What will we bring to the relationship? All of these things we have to be totally truthful with ourselves about. This is easier said than done, but it must be done. Not only will this form of introspection make us better human beings; thereby, being a better partner, but it will also allow us to have a high level of self-awareness that will enhance our lives in every way possible. The second reason truthfulness is important is, it is the only way we will be able to build trust with our partner. Trust is essential in building a powerful relationship. In other words, a relationship can’t be built without trust and trust can’t be established without truthfulness.
Let’s think about it this way. Before we say something during a hard conversation with our partner we think, “How can I say this in a way that won’t hurt my partner’s feelings?” That is the essence of being thoughtful in a relationship. Now keep in mind, we are not capable of avoiding bad feelings all of the time. Just as the old saying goes, “The truth hurts.” Sometimes it does. And remember, we have to be truthful with our partners. However, considering their feelings and interacting with them from this aspect will allow them to see the love and concern in our words once they think about them because we conveyed them with a high level of thoughtfulness.
Unfortunately, as human beings, we sometimes fall into a me, me, my phase. This is not conducive to building a powerful and loving relationship. In my book, The Patterns Of The Power Couple, I talk about how couples who stay together love serving one another. They have left the “I and me” phase and entered into an “Us and we thing.” Don’t get me wrong, self-care is a part of being able to serve and take care of others; therefore, I am not making a blanket statement about “I and me.” But, what I am saying is, building a powerful and loving bond is not possible if one or both people are only concerned with what he or she wants and needs. There must be selflessness. Each person must be happily willing to give of him or herself to make the relationship better.
This may not make any sense, but let me explain. I was watching the Drew Barrymore Show, and she had Keanu Reeves on. He mentioned that in order to be a lover you have to be a fighter because you have to fight for love. This is the epitome of relationship bravery. We have to be brave enough to be vulnerable with our partners. We have to be brave in order to accept certain truths about ourselves when the person we love makes us aware of them. We have to be brave enough to increase the things and steps that will lead to more intimacy in our union. We have to be brave when it comes to letting our partners see our hearts, even if we feel like shutting down. All of this and more requires tremendous bravery when it comes to going from a romance to a relationship.
These are the 4 ingredients we must practice if we not only want to go from romance to relationship but actually to increase in both. Romance should be a part of every intimate relationship. However, you can have a romance without having a relationship. If we want both, and most of us do. We must implement these 4 elements to make both romance and the relationship possible.
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