As a Relationship Coach, I talk to people in general and clients specifically about the importance of boundaries and communication. Why? They protect the heart in any relationship, but especially in intimate relationships. When a person sets boundaries for himself or herself, he or she will be more open to being vulnerable.
This may seem like an oxymoron. You can’t put up walls and be open at the same time. This is actually the safest course of action when it comes to intimate relationships. Consider boundaries as a fence around a yard. It is there to let people know, “You can’t go over here.” However, there are openings in the fence, if you will, where people can enter and exit. This applies to relationship boundaries, too. After a person understands these boundaries, they are only willing to let in people they trust, and will only allow others into the home after they have proven themselves to be trustworthy.
Walking away when the other person tears a hole in the fence is the key to having boundaries. A lot of people fail to recognize this and fail to protect themselves. The majority of people fall into this kind of vulnerability. Leaving ‘the gate’ open when it was not supposed to be. Many people start making excuses for the other person because they care about them when that boundary is violated. This kind of vulnerability shouldn’t exist at all. Having said that, when a person has proven that they will cherish those parts of a person they have shared, what’s the harm?
The second heart protector is communication. This is what leads to true vulnerability, love, and trust. Also, it continues to provide clarity as the marriage or relationship progresses. In other words, there is no ambiguity in each person’s intentions, wants, needs, and goals. Why? Because there is constant and clear communication in the union. This protects the heart because there’s no confusion. This is what a relationship is about. Both people know who they are as individuals and who they are as a couple. How do they arrive at and stay in that place? By communicating. I quote this saying from one of my friends all of the time, “Lack of communication leads to confusion.”
A closer look at this statement shows that it’s the least harmful from an intimate relationship perspective. The result could be a breakup, divorce, heartache, and heartbreak. It is for this reason that clear communication is so important. It’s protection. Not harm. Unfortunately, some couples fall into, “I don’t want to cause problems.” So, instead of talking, they hold things in. No! That’s a problem. Look at it this way, if you argue sometimes when you discuss your bond means your care. Also, there are methods and means to have difficult conversations without all of the difficulty. If you’re interested in learning how reach out. I’ll be happy to help. In any case, these are two of the heart protectors in relationships. You get these two right, you get the relationship right.
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